


Being a Giver

by TheWholeDamnTime



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Character Study, Character Study- Tina Goldstein, Drabble, Gen, Honestly guys, OOC, So I mean maybe I'll add the tag, This is just me having a rough weekend and projecting, just in case it doesn't fit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 10:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8708992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWholeDamnTime/pseuds/TheWholeDamnTime
Summary: Tina's always been a giver, but she never really knew how much she relied on things given back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> If it wasn't clear enough in my rambling tags, this is me having a tricky weekend and word-vomiting out some form of introspection and self-reflection. If it seems out of character, it's because most of these are my revelations from a 2:00 AM self-pity session with the stars. Oh, and I didn't send it to an editor. I don't want anyone getting worried.
> 
> I'm mostly posting this for some transparency, maybe some connections with people, and maybe seeing what others think about how this can connect to both the character and ourselves. 
> 
> So yeah, if you think it's terrible, I tried to warn you?

Tina’s always been the career girl. The headstrong, independent woman who gets what needs to be done, simply put, done. There’s never been room or time for unnecessary emotions, unnecessary thoughts, distractions and all that whatnot- only what’s necessary at work and then home to the love that is her sister.

Her sister is a whole different world. Her sister has been the floaty, ethereal one who subsists off smiles and heart, spontaneity and the bubbly emotions of life floating through her. Emotions have never been deemed “unnecessary”- on the contrary, they are the essence of her life. True thoughts are less prominent to her legilimency than feelings- the fireworks that are excitement, the cold gust of someone shutting themselves down, the warm blossom of happiness pouring from someone’s chest. Thoughts follow, but emotions are everywhere, seeped irremovably into words and their very essence of soul. She knows that Tina loves her, feels the red thrum of her thoughts when she comes home and smells fresh baking or brings cocoa to her as she cooks. It’s a mixture of a heartbeat and a hum, a warm, constant feeling whenever they’re close.

But then Jacob comes, and something vanishes, leaving a gaping hole where the warm, pulsing feeling once was. There’s something gone, some level of ache and loneliness despite her knowledge that her sister still loves her. She knows this, throughout her body and her soul, but the feeling still tugs at her. After apparating to the roof, she stared at the stars and let her emotions flow through her veins. Tina’s always been the logical one, and so she slowly starts to pick herself apart.

It comes together slowly, in pieces and chunks. Little revelations and tiny pieces of evidence amass to create whole thoughts as lights from another world away stare down at her.

Tina needs to be needed. It hadn’t been clear to her before, when she was taking care of her baby sister or constantly being called on by the auror’s office. She was needed, and everything was okay. And yes, perhaps Queenie would still need her on occasion, but there was a certain void that wasn’t filled. It’s a feeling of emptiness, knowing that they have someone else to turn to first, that they may be the first you’d turn to but you would never again be theirs. It’s a lump in her throat too big to swallow, a hollow emptiness consumed by self-doubt about her place in the word. She’d always been the fix-it, the problem solver, the maternal figure that took charge and fought tooth and nail to care for and love the people she deemed to be hers. It was an odd mindset, yes, but it worked. She was theirs- theirs to come to and to rely on, their rock for something constant and calming and consistent- and they were hers- hers to love and care for, hers to keep close and safe and loved. It had always worked, and now, as Queenie disappeared out the door with Jacob, there was a quiet snapping sound as the system shattered in her heart.

There wasn’t any jealousy- or at least what’s that she told herself as she settled to sit at the edge of the roof, her legs hanging freely over the edge, filling her breaths deep with night air. There was a quiet want, though. A want to be needed like her sister and her lover needed each other, a mutual caring and consistency that meant that they’d always be there for each other. A want to be needed with that intensity, with that deep desire that’s only ever touched by a single individual at a time. There wasn’t any jealousy- rather, it was fear.

Fear that being the straight-laced career girl was unattractive, that the person she had become over all these years of focus and work was simply unappealing to others. That maybe something in her core personality was just too off or strange to be loved. That there were things about her that drove people off but she couldn’t change. Fear that her simply existing as herself would lead to a life of loneliness, needing others more than they could ever need her as they moved on with their loves and their lives. She’d never hated herself before. Even now, there was no hating herself for being who she was. But there was something aching in her throat, a feeling like she couldn’t swallow as she lost control of her train of thought as it rambled through all the terrible things about her. There was something sour on her tongue, making her chest ache and her head spin as she wished, just _wished_ these things were different about her. But there was something inherent about them, something permanent in the way they made up who she was now that there was no changing.

Maybe she was too far gone. A lost cause, destined to lead a life where she’d need others more than they’d ever need her.

But that was okay.

She’d lived this way thus far, and it would be okay. She would love the people around her, and if they didn’t love her back then she could cope. She could love and receive what love she could. There may be some small ache, but she’d survived worst. There was a quiet strength in lending your help to others, in lending your support and giving more than you took. And Tina’s always been a giver.

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations! You made it through! I do hope you liked it, or, at the very least, it made you think. Please do leave a comment of any thoughts or things you'd like to talk about, as your responses are the highlights of my days in the midst of the rapidly approaching darkness called "finals week". Thanks so, so much for reading!


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